I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
