I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
