Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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