I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
