Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
