Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
what day is it and did you see me today?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
