Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
