I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
