Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
