wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
