By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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