cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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