and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
