Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
