I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
