just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
