Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Come share oat with me in your robe
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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