The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
