i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
