If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Randomize
