best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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