I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
How external is "for external use only"?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
