The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
