omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
