you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
