She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
