My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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