guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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