it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
