they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Oh god it's open bar.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
