just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
