You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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