i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
