were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
