how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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