my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
