Non-Jews are for practice
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
