you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
