Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
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She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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