M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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