Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I saw his package. It spoke to me.

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(785): View more from Kansas

Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college

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(510): View more from California

Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."

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