After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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