his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize