can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
