take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
