You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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