If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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