Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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