ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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