he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
