We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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