RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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