So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
