I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
