I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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