Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
