I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
