Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
50% drunk capacity currently
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
