all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
