someone get that fucking seahorse.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
