Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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