I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
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