Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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