we have officially lost it.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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