fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
