just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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