Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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