He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
