He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
