how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
