My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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